Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
