you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize