I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
