how can u be prego again
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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