I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
