Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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