I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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