just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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