my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
