i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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