Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
