Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize