True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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