I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
