I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can you bring me the toilet please
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
