Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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