I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
