On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize