The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
