If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
