Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize