I need help removing her.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize