i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
