Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
