Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
