I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someone shattered a urinal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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