I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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