At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
