he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
