Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
bring money and cleavage
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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