Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
