What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
