I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
