I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
