you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
