They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
