All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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