Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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