Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We need to get me chipped asap
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
