P.S. I can't hear my feet
smell my finger.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
