Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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