Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want nice things and good sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
