you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
