I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You took a bar mat shot.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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