I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
