This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
