slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
