I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
