no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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