What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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