Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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