Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
