I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
