he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize