we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
