I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
