but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
