I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
