Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
