the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
