wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
