jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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