She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
