i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
