Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
