i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
