i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
