I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
