my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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