I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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