Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
