I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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