I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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